tastefullyoffensive:

[via] 13,286 notes
    tsubakihana:

jr-abraxas:

ggungabythexmaself:

marionisamuffin:

pleasantandcain:

fromladytolifter:

candidlycara:

dance-in-the-shadows:

gracediamondsfear:

wifeyknowsbest:

whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:


A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

God.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

For that last comment.

I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?
Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

Story time:
I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”
Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.
Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

It got better.

Okay, I got one.
When my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time, it was in her bedroom, and she happened to have a cat.
Right as we’re in the middle, all of a sudden I feel something furry on my back, and I looked to see her cat all curled up on my back just chilling.
I don’t think we ever laughed so hard all the times we were together.

Me and an ex were parked on a hill and she was sitting in the drivers side. We couldn’t find a comfortable position because her car was so tiny so I got out and went around the car, proceeded to get down on my knees and start going down on her. Everything was going just fine and she had a hella strong orgasm which her hand to start doing that spastic slap thing.
She hit the radio, changed the station, and somehow managed to turn the volume all the way up. Barbie Girl started playing on full blast. I laughed so hard I fell back on the pavement and had lay down for about ten minutes before I could get back to business.

in the name of jesus christ plz keep the stories coming! PLZ!

    tsubakihana:

    jr-abraxas:

    ggungabythexmaself:

    marionisamuffin:

    pleasantandcain:

    fromladytolifter:

    candidlycara:

    dance-in-the-shadows:

    gracediamondsfear:

    wifeyknowsbest:

    whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:

    A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!

    Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

    this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

    i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

    God.

    My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”

    THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.

    THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.

    it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

    For that last comment.

    I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.

    Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.

    On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

    Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?

    Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

    Story time:

    I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”

    Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.

    Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

    It got better.

    Okay, I got one.

    When my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time, it was in her bedroom, and she happened to have a cat.

    Right as we’re in the middle, all of a sudden I feel something furry on my back, and I looked to see her cat all curled up on my back just chilling.

    I don’t think we ever laughed so hard all the times we were together.

    Me and an ex were parked on a hill and she was sitting in the drivers side. We couldn’t find a comfortable position because her car was so tiny so I got out and went around the car, proceeded to get down on my knees and start going down on her. Everything was going just fine and she had a hella strong orgasm which her hand to start doing that spastic slap thing.

    She hit the radio, changed the station, and somehow managed to turn the volume all the way up. Barbie Girl started playing on full blast. I laughed so hard I fell back on the pavement and had lay down for about ten minutes before I could get back to business.

    in the name of jesus christ plz keep the stories coming! PLZ!

    (Source: erospainter, via thegirlsajezebel)

    686,358 notes
    9,717 notes

    shattyice:

    find-a-way-out:

    lesbian-goddesss:

    leftwiththetide:

    lavenderlilith:

    When you’re talking to a girl and things start getting serious:

    image

    Just laughed so hard.

    If you don’t get this, ur straight

    Maximum same. Rolling.

    Jesus

    (via thegirlsajezebel)

    71,454 notes
    84,321 notes
    mother-of-beasties:

xtoxictears:

This is one of my favourite pictures of Kagura.:’) She likes to sit like a people and watch the laptop/TV

oh my God that is the cutest snake ever.

    mother-of-beasties:

    xtoxictears:

    This is one of my favourite pictures of Kagura.:’) She likes to sit like a people and watch the laptop/TV

    oh my God that is the cutest snake ever.

    (via tylyngonnaeatchu)

    87,554 notes
    did-you-kno:

Source

Im hungry ALL the time

    did-you-kno:

    Source

    Im hungry ALL the time

    3,276 notes

    (via olive-oyl)

    14,964 notes

    reblogger-ocelot:

    ask-midnight-whisper:

    ultrafacts:

    Want More facts? Follow the Ultrafacts Blog (Source)

    bill gates, a real life hero

    "mr gates how do you expect the world to deal with the rampant disease-carrying mosquito issue" "idfk shoot lasers at it"

    (via kdizzlejuggalizzle)

    273,911 notes

    suspend:

    i hope iphone 6 is a flip phone

    (via kdizzlejuggalizzle)

    291,213 notes

    cattailsandcattales:

    urbies:

    Great moments in tv history

    The best part is how the hand giving the cigarette doesn’t belong to anyone in the room—no one is wearing that shirt.

    (Source: sandandglass, via kdizzlejuggalizzle)

    844,102 notes
    91,630 plays

    vinebox:

    I relate to this on a spiritual level

    (via kdizzlejuggalizzle)

    13,427 notes
    literallysame:

we need this in emoji form

    literallysame:

    we need this in emoji form

    (Source: underprivilegedbutltskintho, via kdizzlejuggalizzle)

    117,997 notes
    danswings:

lotrlockedwhovian:

dreamingofcossackia:

live to ride

how did bikers ever get the reputation of being fearsome. Everything I’ve ever heard about them is always rides for charity, helping stray animals, telling kids to stay in school and doing cute shit like this and generally being nicer than 90% of the population. 

my dad is a biker and he cried when his goldfish died

    danswings:

    lotrlockedwhovian:

    dreamingofcossackia:

    live to ride

    how did bikers ever get the reputation of being fearsome. Everything I’ve ever heard about them is always rides for charity, helping stray animals, telling kids to stay in school and doing cute shit like this and generally being nicer than 90% of the population. 

    my dad is a biker and he cried when his goldfish died

    (Source: kas-a, via kdizzlejuggalizzle)

    573,179 notes

    heartofalifer:

    the comeback is better than the joke itself

    (via kdizzlejuggalizzle)

    64,587 notes